Do you ever wake up angry and you just can’t explain it? That is until you start walking around the house after your husband watched the kids last night (while you were working) and realize that things are in total disarray? Then you think about when he asked you yesterday what you did all day (while he was gone fishing), almost in a tone that says “wow this place looks like shit WHAT did you do all day?” The fact that your daughter finally decided to do her laundry last night but didn’t put it in the dryer, then when you open the dryer to put her clothes in you realize that she put YOUR clothes in the dryer and not all of them belong in the dryer. Then you look outside as you are coming upstairs from the laundry fiasco to see that she left the baby stroller outside last night and it rained. There are dishes to be done, diapers to wash, oh yeah and number 3 decided to pee in bed again, so that means stripping the bed AGAIN and washing everything on the bed AGAIN, which really means two extra loads of washing because you can’t wash it all at the same time. No wonder I can never get ahead on laundry! Then there is payroll that needs to get done while I try to breastfeed a clingy baby all day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, they just drive me a little crazy sometimes. I find myself getting more and more frustrated as I walk through the house; drink glasses left on the table, baby food (that I took the time to make for the whole week) got left out on the table (which means I have to make a new batch for the whole week), jeans left on the chair, sweatshirts on the couch, no clean towels left in the house… It goes on and on. Everything that I need to get done today is not stuff that is visually noticable so when the husband gets home today from taking number 3 to hockey practice he’ll probably ask “what did you do all day” and I’ll probably take it the wrong way and blow up. Some days a girl just can’t get ahead!
I have been trying to figure out how to incorporate videos into my blog in hopes that it will help me post more often. I have been away for the past few months because I’ve been busy trying to figure out how to juggle business, house maintenance, shuttling kids and sleep deprivation. I post often on Facebook and Pinterest because what else do you do while you’re breastfeeding?
We have done some remodeling in our house for the past few weeks, turning our former living room into a office and a bedroom. This involved putting up a wall, adding a door in the hallway, a bunch of electrical junk and painting. Woof. It seemed like my house would never be back in order, so I decided to have a party. Things got done really fast and now I have my very own office to decorate whichever way I choose! Anyway, my point is, I now have an office space all to myself and I am hoping to dedicate some time each day to my blog.
I spent most of today home alone (well Molly was here) and instead of cleaning like I would normally do if I were home alone, I learned how to make and edit a video on my iPad. Believe me it took all day due to the phone ringing nonstop and random drop ins! It’s very simple so don’t judge me too harshly because after all it is my first one. Hopefully I’ll continue to get better at the video blog over time. You can find me on YouTube!
Saturday afternoon hockey practice (which I almost forgot about) is a bit of a challenge getting to on time. I was nursing the baby when I looked at my phone to see the time. Luckily Avery mentioned something about hockey and it was like a light went off in my brain. I had 15 minutes to feed the baby and get William to practice. Couldn’t find any sweatpants, I sent my oldest downstairs to grab some out of the dirty laundry. His “hurry up” and mine are obviously completely different definitions. I was yelling at the kids to help and suffering through nursing Molly (who has a shallow latch, incredibly painful). Thank goodness I decided to stop a subway on my way home from the bank because I was starving and becoming more crabby. On my way out the door I stopped to see my husband so Willy could say “hi” before practice. Will is so excited to have his boy playing hockey but often has to miss practice because of our work schedule. So, as we are saying goodby, with 10 minutes to spare, my husband says something that just set me off.
Juggling 3 kids, a newborn, a husband, work and home is proving to be much more difficult than I had expected. Granted it has only been a week but I’m beginning to feel the pressure. I could have cried, the tears were there waiting to come out but I avoided it and just took some deep breaths and told myself to calm down. I feel like I’m constantly running this inner monologue, telling myself to calm down, it will be ok, they are kids, they are going to make mistakes and not listen from time to time. I need to really focus on being the mom I want to be and stop expecting so much from them.
“It takes a village to raise children”. I don’t know where this quote originated or who said it but I never really bought into it until recent years. I don’t have parents that live close by or who I can handle to be around for more than a few days. I don’t have relatives that come over to help out at the house so I can rest, but they continue to tell me to take it easy. I really envy those moms who have a solid support network because I don’t have that and don’t think that I will because Im not one to ask for help. So I continue to do my best because that is all that I can do. When people ask me why I’m at hockey practice when my baby is only days old I want to scream inside but outwardly I just smile and say “I do what I have to do”. I’m exhausted, crabby, my back hurts, my nipples feel like they’re going to fall off but I’m doing it anyway and trying to stay positive.
She is here! Yes I said she, my little Molly was born at home on Friday October 5th 2012! I’ll go into more details about my home birth experience later because for now I’m still trying to get use to having a baby in the house again. I forgot how much longer it takes to get things done. I also forgot how tired I was going to be and how much time breast feeding can take from your day!
Overall it has been such an amazing blessing! My kids are all just so excited, they race off the bus to see her after school. My biggest challenge right now is trying to find balance win four kids in the house! My youngest son William has been just bouncing off the walls because he is so excited to be a big brother. I’m struggling a bit with the noise but I know it’s only because I’m super tired. I feel great but my back has been pretty sore and my milk is letting down which has been pretty painful. I’m not going to complain though because God has gifted us with a beautiful little girl and I am so very happy! I struggle to hold back the tears sometimes just thinking about it.
I don’t plan on doing a whole lot of ranting on this blog but I’ve been noticing a trend lately that has really been driving me crazy. I don’t care if people smoke, do what you have to do despite ALL of the evidence showing that it is horrible for your health. I do care when people smoke around kids, mine or not. Lately we’ve been attending a lot of outdoor community events, events that are especially dedicated towards children and soon enough I smell it. That familiar toxic smell. Immediately I think “really?!” Glance around only to see a woman sitting at a table FULL of kids (I have to assume that at least one of them are hers) smoking like it’s no big deal. Yes, you are outside but if I can smell it 50 feet away, I guarantee that all those kids sitting at that picnic table can smell it and are breathing in second hand smoke.
I grew up in a household of smokers, my mom smokes, my grandparents both smoked, my dad even smoked at one point. Now that I’m an adult and I am not around anyone that smokes I find it incredibly offensive. I can only imagine what I must have smelled like when I went to school, no wonder I got teased so much. As a parent, I couldn’t imagine doing something like that around my kids, especially if I knew that it was ultimately harmful for them. It seems like parents who are smokers overlook the facts, don’t think that it’s that bad. Or they simply are too selfish not to do it around their kids.
I wish that I had the courage to give these people a piece of my mind when I see them light up around kids. It’s not that I think that I am better than anyone, I just don’t think that a children’s carnival at the church is an appropriate place to be lighting up a cigarette. Or a 3 year old’s birthday party. Or a Kids Art in the Park day. Or at the County Fair. Or in your car with kids in the backseat. Or standing next to me when I’m obviously pregnant (no I don’t want to talk to you if you are smoking). I could go on and on but I won’t, it just really bothers me.
I’ve been listening to the Love and Logic parenting CDs in my van when I don’t have the kids with me. They have really great parenting advice on how to raise responsible and empathetic kids. While I’ve been able to apply a lot of the advice towards my three year old, I haven’t done such a good job applying it with the older two. They are of course a little harder to fool than a three year old.
Today I had to take my sons cat to the vet, Harry (the cat) broke his leg a month or so ago and was due for a check up and shots. The X-ray showed that he still needed to be in the cast for at least four more weeks. For me that means another hundred or so dollars out of my pocket. I’m tired of spending money on this cat only for Simon (my son) to neglect the poor thing. Love and Logic teaches that kids who are held accountable misbehave and argue less and also become more responsible as the reach adulthood.
Without getting mad and yelling, I calmly told Simon that I had to pay $125 for his cat and he was going to pay me back.
Completely confused, he was just about to start an argument with me but before he could say anything I said ” would you like some ideas of how you can repay me?”
“NO, I’m not going to pay you anything!” he replied.
Normally I would have flown off the handle and started lecturing him, yelling, then he’d just ignore me and nothing would happen anyway. But this time I calmly looked at him through the mirror and said, “ok, don’t you worry about it, I’ll talk to dad and we’ll discuss what should happen, but don’t you worry.”
I couldn’t believe it but it worked, we didn’t argue and didn’t get stressed out or yell. Once we got home some time passed and I had a chance to think about what I was going to do. I wrote down a long list of chores that he could do for me and I wrote down what he could pay me with (his Wii to the pawn shop along with all games), then I sat him down and let him decide what he would do. He was mad, said that he wasn’t going to do chores or give up his Wii. Still calm I explained to him that if he had been responsible and made sure to take care of his cat he wouldn’t be in this situation. I told him that there were more vet bills that I had paid already and that there would be more to come, but depending on how he handled this situation would determine whether or not he would have to pay more in the future.
He agreed to do chores! I couldn’t believe it, in fact as I write this now my house is getting clean and without an argument because it was his decision!
I created the same plan for my daughter who decided that she wanted to quit violin lessons and she had the chance to think about it and make the decision. This is a huge breakthrough for me. Now my extended family would shake their fingers at me with disgust but my kids are being taught valuable lessons, I’m not stressed out from arguing or yelling, and my house work is getting done.
For more information about Love and Logic Parenting you can visit this link, they have tons of free resources. I recommend the CDs if you don’t have time to read, the classes are great as well!
I enjoy reading a few different blogs, especially those targeted towards moms and parenting. One mom blogger that I normally read recently posted on the topic “how has the online world helped you as a mom?”. I think that the blog world and related sites have helped me a ton. I am constantly looking on babycenter.com to keep updated on my current pregnancy. I live in a small Midwestern town and I find that a lot of parents don’t particularly parent in the similar ways as I do, reading blogs from moms like me, who may have an alternative lifestyles is tremendously helpful. I feel like I’m not all alone in the world. As a mom I don’t always get out there and socialize like I should because I don’t have the time nor the energy after dealing with 3 kids and a business and a husband. Reading mom blogs helps keep me grounded, informed and entertained. Even starting this blog has helped, dispite the few posts that I have made. Women need support, validation, especially when our own family members criticize us and make us feel like we are crazy (ok, maybe that last part only applies to me specifically). So I’d like to give a great big “thank you” to all of the moms out there who share their lives with the world!