Feeling Embarrassed

“We get embarrassed that our clothes are last year’s fashion, that our vehicle costs less than the neighbor’s, or that our house is smaller than our guest’s. We apologize for the worn carpet, make excuses for the outdated kitchen, or point out specifically why we haven’t updated the counter tops yet but what would happen if we stopped getting embarrassed over the wrong things and started pursuing the right things?” Joshua Becker – Becoming Minimalist

This morning as I lay in bed I was looking at the pile of laundry that has been growing on my bedroom floor since the week before Christmas. I picked up my phone and started to flip through my Facebook feed when I came across a post from Becoming Minimalist that got me thinking about some things. I don’t always pick up my phone right away in the morning but I didn’t sleep well and I was feeling warm all snuggled up. With all of the preparations there are for the holidays I had neglected some of my usual tasks, such as taking care of my own laundry. There was a mix of some clean, some dirty, underneath hid a basket of mismatched socks and random items.  Anytime someone came over I made quick to shut my bedroom door because I was embarrassed that someone would see my mess as they went to use the bathroom which is right across the hall.  I haven’t had time to take care of my pile, everyday presented other tasks that didn’t require me to stay closed into my room but that true fact was I didn’t want to take care of it. I have been procrastinating to say the very least.

Usually after Christmas comes and goes I feel a great sense to purge. Maybe it’s because it feels good to put things back in there place and get rid of the things that don’t belong or maybe it’s because with all the new gifts from Christmas I realize we have too much stuff.  This year, as I look at my huge pile of clothes, my basement that is overflowing with stuff, my kitchen cupboards that hardly close I am feeling a major sense to purge.  I’ve been working a lot on my spiritual life and purging the things that don’t fill me spiritually. I don’t watch television, I’ve changed the types of movies that I watch, music that I listen to, people that I spend my time with but I feel God calling me to do more.  Could this be it?

I admit, I wanted to race right over to Herberger’s after Christmas for the great door buster deals, but then I looked at my growing pile of clothes and realized that I didn’t NEED anything. I wanted to buy some new boots, a few new tops to wear this winter and maybe a pair of jeans. Joshua Becker wrote about being embarrassed over the wrong things.  How embarrassed I felt when I realized that I wanted more when I already have too much. How embarrassed I felt when I thought of those that may not have enough warm clothes to wear let alone a pair of fashionable boots that will keep me warm and make me feel cute. “ What if, instead of being embarrassed over the quality and quantity of our possessions, we became embarrassed over how much money we have spent on our own selfish pursuits?” This sentence struck a chord in me but I got up, out of my warm and cozy bed to make breakfast for the babes. I thought about this while I made eggs and emptied the dishwasher. I thought about how I really needed to start just giving things away. Then I sat down to read Molly her devotion for the day and this is what I read.

“I will bless you with incredible blessings. Genesis 22:17. Have you ever begged your mom or dad to buy you something at the store? Sometimes we think we need more than what we have. But God really has given us all kinds of wonderful things. We have families who love us, friends to play with, food to eat and houses to keep us safe and warm. And we have Jesus in the Eucharist. That’s a lot to be happy about!” – Blessings Everyday

God speaks to me, all the time! Most of the time it sounds like Bumblebee from Transformers, all broken up and from different places but He speaks. I spend so much time putting things away, it is ridiculous. Time that I could be writing, time that I could be playing with my kids, time that could be spent reading meaningful books or in prayer. How could I ignore this message that is so very clear? We all have so much, couldn’t we give some of it up to those who may actually NEED it? What is God calling you to do? Could it be that unexplained desire to go to confession or the unexplained thought you had about spending time in adoration? Those thoughts that pop up and don’t go away are God. When you read something that really hits home, do something about it because that is God calling you to do more.

Update: I donated 2 garbage bags full of just my clothes and have 3 more downstairs of the kids’ clothes to give to friends!



Dear Teenage Me

I’ve been thinking about starting a series for my blog titled Dear…   where I would write a letter to someone in my life. I would write about the things that I want to tell them but may not necessarily be able to actually say. I got the idea after I wrote Dear Baby the other day and then when I went on the Nesting Place today it sort of made my decision for me. Sometimes you get little signs in life and you just have to trust that they will take you the right direction.

Since I’ve turned 30 and my 10 year reunion was just a few years ago I’ve been thinking a lot about high school. We had a girl living with us last year while she finished her senior year and it really hit home for me. Dealing with family, learning who you are, becoming a woman but still being a child. There is a lot to process in those few years, writing this letter sort of lets me put some closure on my past.

Anyway, Emily at Chatting at the Sky started a link up party for letters to your teenaged self, check it out if you’re interested!

Dear Teenage Me,

Being a teenager is tough, you have all these hormones that you don’t understand, self-esteem issues that you don’t understand, a crazy mother that you don’t understand and you just lost the most important person in your life.  Plus all of your friends are going through similar changes and they don’t understand either. Life is not so black and white, learn to look past the issue in front of your face and try to see the whole picture, it will make things a lot easier.

Don’t make fun of people. It’s not cool or funny to pick on other peoples insecurities and the only reason that you do it is to hide your own insecurities. Work on yourself rather than put other people down. Being kind to others can only bring good to your life.

Your mother is crazy, really, she’s crazy and it’s not just you. Don’t try to hurt yourself to get back at her, don’t put yourself down because she can’t cope with her own flaws. You will get past these next few years and you will learn that you are not her (no matter how many people tell you how much you look alike).  Find a good counselor, someone that you can talk to and get the crap out, your stomach will feel better and the headaches will go away.

Trust in God. I know that’s hard to swallow right now, especially since grandpa died and he was the only one that seemed to get you. Find some faith, the sooner you do and the sooner that you trust in Him the easier life will be. Ok, maybe life won’t get easier but it can be a lot less stressful. Life will not go as you expect but if you have faith and let God guide your path you will be pleasantly surprised.

Don’t stop writing. You are good, you have a lot of potential and you really love it. Keep at it and you will only get better, who knows you could be a writer someday.  It’s not a worthless career choice, you don’t need to just get a mindless job to pay the bills and as a result be unhappy for the rest of your life. You have talent don’t waste it.

Don’t drop out of band your senior year. This is supposed to be the best year of your high school life; you’ll only regret dropping out of band. Keep practicing and join a college band after you graduate. You have worked so hard, music is an incredible gift that you don’t want to just throw away because you are so stuck in a depression that nothing seems to matter.

Don’t be afraid to try new things, living in fear will only hold you back from the exciting life that you deserve to have. Get tattoos, try new things, meet new people, sing, travel, and don’t fear doing things because of what family members might say. They are stuck in their ways and that is not you. By the way, you will join the Army and kick ass doing it despite what your family members may have told you.

Be yourself and most importantly love yourself!



A little more mature but not quite grown up.


Adventures in Dreamweaver.

Once upon a time I was pretty proficient at using Photoshop. I worked as an assistant to a graphic artist and had a ton of opportunity to be creative and experiment with the programing. I made advertisements and flyers for the local skate park, worked on various logo designs. Fast forward to today, 10 years later (cue smokey special effects cloud)….

I decided that I would buy Adobe Dreamweaver and learn how to make a website! Mostly because I wanted to be able to update our current business site (www.fallsballroom.com). When we bought our business the website was really sad and a relative offered to spiff it up for us. We love the site but would love it more if we could update it more frequently, something that said relative doesn’t have time to do anymore (understandable). I would really love to get back into graphic design and I figured what a great way to start back up. I could add more pictures to our gallery, update our dance schedules, put the wedding contracts online for the upcoming years.

At BestBuy yesterday someone from the Geek Squad helped me navigate the software aisle. I knew that I needed Adobe Dreamweaver and asked him if I needed Photoshop as well, he assured me that I would not need any other programing. I think that he is full of crap. I bought a Dreamweaver for Dummies book and installed the program. Started reading the introduction as the program installed, I must be really dumb because this book is not making any sense at all. Then I opened the program to see if I could just fart around…NOT.

I’ve been watching tutorials on YouTube for the last 2 hours and it seems to me that I need to go buy Photoshop and possibly smack that Geek Squad guy in the kisser. I’m pretty confident that I can teach myself anything but when I ask someone a question (Geek Squad Guy) I expect to get a correct answer or be directed to someone who knows what they are talking about. So here I am, back to the drawing board. It’s not a huge deal, but it’s frustrating nonetheless.


Getting there.

So I came up with a routine of some sorts, the most difficult part this far is getting up in the morning. Most nights I can’t sleep because I’m uncomfortable and the baby is a night owl (something that I’m not looking forward to after birth). Last night I couldn’t fall asleep until 2am but I did manage to get out of bed by 7:45 which is only forty five minutes off from my new routine schedule. I’m hoping that I can get up earlier and earlier within a few months but it really all depends on the baby after October. This is what my experimental routine looks like thus far:

7:00am Wake Up

7 – 7:30 Work Out (I hope to eventually increase this time as well)

7:30-8:00 Breakfast

8:00-8:45 Shower and Dress

8:45-9:15 Take Willy to daycare (my husband did this for me this morning before I woke up, sweet!)

9:15-12:00 Chores (daily household cleaning routine)

I really think that I’ll try to get the morning routine engrained first before I start tackling the evening. I have done okay this morning, my wake up was a little later than scheduled but I did work out, have a balanced breakfast and I’m dressed and ready to go for the rest of my day. I do have to work this afternoon for a luncheon so I’m trying to take it easy on the chores for now, I can putz around with that some more this evening, I just don’t want to get too tired. Yesterday I was so tired from lack of sleep the night before that I ended up taking a nap from 3:30 to almost 4:30, I probably could have slept another hour at least, luckily I woke  up in time to pick up Willy from daycare! Well, I’m off to get some things done for this afternoon, need to try and summon up some kind of energy to get everything done today.


Learning to be a boss.

Yesterday, Will and I spent the day at a supervisors and managers workshop. We’ve owned our business for just over two years now and we are finally getting to that comfortable point of know how the day to day operations go and more importantly when we can leave. Our business is located directly next door to our house which has pros and cons. The pros being that we are always close to run over for a quick meeting, we can answer the phones at home, there is always food available in the big cooler next door, we never have to ask our neighbors for a cup of sugar or eggs. The cons being we are always working if we are home because the phone is always ringing, someone is always just dropping in for a few questions, running over for a quick minute usually turns into 45 minutes to an hour. It is really difficult to draw the line because it is not like a normal job. So, days when we can work away from home are nice because we can focus and actually have time to talk.  Nobody tells you all of the job duties and responsibilities that you are going to take on when you buy a business. I don’t think anyone really knows what they are getting into until they are up their ears with work that needs to be done. What I really liked about the workshop was that they really encouraged delegating tasks to your employees, something that we do not always do. The instructor also touched upon personality styles, dealing with conflict, and the importance of good communication skills. We have a lot of growing to do as supervisors but I think that learning to be someones manager/supervisor is a good life skill. I know that I need to work on my self esteem and become a more confident leader, something that I have never been comfortable with despite my military training. I also found it interesting that the instructor dabbled in the law of attraction. From reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne I recognized some of the goal setting techniques; I always get geeked out when something I read comes up in conversation. Will is not usually a sit in a classroom type but I think he got really motivated to keep moving forward with his goals. We are going to sit down and finally write down our goals and expectations for our business, something that we haven’t done for probably two years. I think it’s really important to keep addressing your goals in order to stay on track. I love this quote from Anthony Robbins “action is the foundational key to all success.” I absolutely agree, you can’t just plant the seed and expect it to grow. It still needs water, fertilizer and sun, along with an occasional pulling of weeds the keep it alive.

We took the opportunity of being away all day and extended it into a date night which was very much needed. The most difficult thing about working with your spouse is that you are always around  each other and often don’t have anything to talk about when you do finally go on a date. Last night was really different, we finally had good conversation, something that has been lacking for quite some time. I don’t really know what changed, maybe because I’ve really separated myself from the business while the kids are home for the summer. When I worked away from home we had a much closer different relationship. I would go to work, I could go to the gym before heading home, I had different people to talk with and I had my own little social circle. Since owning the business and quitting my job things have been quite a bit different. I realized that I don’t have any real friends because before I only had my work friends. Now I’m realizing that I need to really make myself more available to relationships outside of the house. I don’t get as much free time to myself to include time to workout because I have so many distractions at home. It has really come to my attention that I’m not taking the greatest care of my personal needs but I’m hopeful and more important, I’m aware that I need to make some changes and get into a better routine. At the workshop the instructor brought up a frightening statistic about friendships or rather lack there of, I wish I had written this down. He said that if you don’t have at least five close friends you are more likely to die of heart disease or have a stroke before the age of 60. I found this article which touches on the topic, it didn’t include any statistics but it is a good read. Anyway, this really shook me up because I’m not exactly the greatest at making friends and keeping commitments with social ties. Probably because I’ve been a mom since I was 19 and never learned or had the opportunity to experience that stage of life. I never had a lot of friends in high school, sure I had my band friends and the girls I sat with at lunch, but I’ve never been a social person and that was never really encouraged or developed growing up. Social skills are so very important and the older I get the more I become aware of it. Obviously yesterdays class has touched a few nerves in me and has me really thinking about my life style choices. Either that or the latte that I forgot to order as a decaf  has me all juiced up.