Feeling Embarrassed

“We get embarrassed that our clothes are last year’s fashion, that our vehicle costs less than the neighbor’s, or that our house is smaller than our guest’s. We apologize for the worn carpet, make excuses for the outdated kitchen, or point out specifically why we haven’t updated the counter tops yet but what would happen if we stopped getting embarrassed over the wrong things and started pursuing the right things?” Joshua Becker – Becoming Minimalist

This morning as I lay in bed I was looking at the pile of laundry that has been growing on my bedroom floor since the week before Christmas. I picked up my phone and started to flip through my Facebook feed when I came across a post from Becoming Minimalist that got me thinking about some things. I don’t always pick up my phone right away in the morning but I didn’t sleep well and I was feeling warm all snuggled up. With all of the preparations there are for the holidays I had neglected some of my usual tasks, such as taking care of my own laundry. There was a mix of some clean, some dirty, underneath hid a basket of mismatched socks and random items.  Anytime someone came over I made quick to shut my bedroom door because I was embarrassed that someone would see my mess as they went to use the bathroom which is right across the hall.  I haven’t had time to take care of my pile, everyday presented other tasks that didn’t require me to stay closed into my room but that true fact was I didn’t want to take care of it. I have been procrastinating to say the very least.

Usually after Christmas comes and goes I feel a great sense to purge. Maybe it’s because it feels good to put things back in there place and get rid of the things that don’t belong or maybe it’s because with all the new gifts from Christmas I realize we have too much stuff.  This year, as I look at my huge pile of clothes, my basement that is overflowing with stuff, my kitchen cupboards that hardly close I am feeling a major sense to purge.  I’ve been working a lot on my spiritual life and purging the things that don’t fill me spiritually. I don’t watch television, I’ve changed the types of movies that I watch, music that I listen to, people that I spend my time with but I feel God calling me to do more.  Could this be it?

I admit, I wanted to race right over to Herberger’s after Christmas for the great door buster deals, but then I looked at my growing pile of clothes and realized that I didn’t NEED anything. I wanted to buy some new boots, a few new tops to wear this winter and maybe a pair of jeans. Joshua Becker wrote about being embarrassed over the wrong things.  How embarrassed I felt when I realized that I wanted more when I already have too much. How embarrassed I felt when I thought of those that may not have enough warm clothes to wear let alone a pair of fashionable boots that will keep me warm and make me feel cute. “ What if, instead of being embarrassed over the quality and quantity of our possessions, we became embarrassed over how much money we have spent on our own selfish pursuits?” This sentence struck a chord in me but I got up, out of my warm and cozy bed to make breakfast for the babes. I thought about this while I made eggs and emptied the dishwasher. I thought about how I really needed to start just giving things away. Then I sat down to read Molly her devotion for the day and this is what I read.

“I will bless you with incredible blessings. Genesis 22:17. Have you ever begged your mom or dad to buy you something at the store? Sometimes we think we need more than what we have. But God really has given us all kinds of wonderful things. We have families who love us, friends to play with, food to eat and houses to keep us safe and warm. And we have Jesus in the Eucharist. That’s a lot to be happy about!” – Blessings Everyday

God speaks to me, all the time! Most of the time it sounds like Bumblebee from Transformers, all broken up and from different places but He speaks. I spend so much time putting things away, it is ridiculous. Time that I could be writing, time that I could be playing with my kids, time that could be spent reading meaningful books or in prayer. How could I ignore this message that is so very clear? We all have so much, couldn’t we give some of it up to those who may actually NEED it? What is God calling you to do? Could it be that unexplained desire to go to confession or the unexplained thought you had about spending time in adoration? Those thoughts that pop up and don’t go away are God. When you read something that really hits home, do something about it because that is God calling you to do more.

Update: I donated 2 garbage bags full of just my clothes and have 3 more downstairs of the kids’ clothes to give to friends!


Mind, Simplify

Valuable Lesson

I just got a phone call from our “computer guy” and it’s not good news. We had an external hard drive, something that I was putting all of our digital images on thinking that I was doing the right thing by taking them off the memory card and putting them in a safer place so as to not get lost. Well… that was a horrible mistake. Apparently an external hard drive is not the safest place for your photos, especially if that external hard drive gets bumped or damaged in any way. The valuable lesson that I learned isn’t necessarily not to put photos on an external hard drive but to actually do something with those photos. I haven’t really printed any pictures off in about 3 years. Maybe I was waiting for the time to become available for me to sit down and print out only the ones that I want. That time never presented itself and now I have no pictures of my home birth. I have no pictures from last Christmas or of Avery’s first communion. There are no more images from the last two years of birthday parties or summers at the lake.

I had listened to a podcast the other day about accountability which is really hitting home right about now. It talked about how everything that happens in your life (good things or bad) you are accountable for, you made them happen. The thoughts and actions that you have put out in the universe you have to be accountable for. I have been telling myself this for the past few days, especially when I dented my van because I was in a hurry; yup I made that happen by not being patient and by not being totally prepared. When my 4 year old misbehaves (because he typically gets everything he wants) and acts like an a-hole when he doesn’t, yup I made that happen too. It’s like when I make an effort to understand and ask God to help me to understand what it means to have accountability in my life he throws me this fast ball. Losing all of my images because I am not more organized really feels like a sucker punch to the gut. All the time I’ve wasted on Pinterest I could have been editing my images, making photos books, or at the very list printing off my photos off at Wal-Mart. I do feel like I could just puke all over my keyboard right now.

So what have I learned from all of this? 1) There is never enough time to get everything done perfectly, but perfect sucks! Perfect sucks because right now I have less pictures of my kids because I didn’t have time to make them perfect. 2) Print off your f-ing pictures, right away, as soon as your event is done because weeks, months, years may go by and you’ll end up losing them. 3) Pull yourself together Tiffany! It’s time to get more organized, do something every day to get closer to a manageable level of organization because this fly by the seat of your pants everyday routine sucks. 4) Thanks God for iPhones and Instagram!