Freaking Out

I just had a major meltdown about an hour ago, I’m still coming down from it I think. Maybe it was a combination of pregnancy hormones, hunger and stress but it was not good whatever it was. I’ve had an open invoice from a catering that we did back in March, trying to get paid has been a  nightmare because it is with a government contract. Anyway, I was finally able to access the website and get registered. See the way these contracts work is you have to submit your invoice to the pay officer, they submit it for contracting, then the vendor (me) has to jump through all sorts of hoops to actually get paid. You have to register at this website to get a code, then you have to register at that website to get another code, then the person who has to submit the contract needs these little codes to submit another form. Just when I thought everything was submitted I got another email saying that I needed to go to another website, register my vendor information and then I needed to submit my invoice so that the contract person can push a button to send the money to my bank account. This has been a HUGE headache for me! Luckily I’m somewhat aware of how these military contracts work because of my work experience but it is still frustrating. Anyway, back to the freaking out… I was on the phone with a customer service representative from this new website that I needed to register on, my youngest child (age 3 1/2) has yet to learn not to bother mommy on the phone. The oldest two (9 and 8) are chatting it up in the other room, I’ve continued to remind them that I’m on the phone and need them to please be quiet. I manage to get registered on this really confusing website but the noise is escalating, my patience level is running low, I’m hungry, I really can’t seem to figure this f*&^ing website out. I yelled at the kids to go outside until I get this figured out but they managed to sneak back inside. Finally I’d had enough, I started yelling screaming at my kids, then my youngest (who had a pacifier in his mouth even though he’s only suppose to have one at bedtime) said he hated me (something that he learned from his older brother). I freaked out, grabbed the scissors and cut up all of his Nuks. This only led to a meltdown from him, me shaking in anger, me screaming at my older kids. I did not feel good about my behavior, I had lost control, snapped at my husband and made my kids all feel bad. I did finally end up getting my invoice submitted (I hope) and I’m feeling a little better (even though I could just about cry). Why do some days have to be so complicated? It’s like all of the pent up aggravations decide to come out on one day, like a great big volcanic explosion.

This all alludes to my idea of getting into some sort of routine, I’ve been doing a cleaning routine for a few weeks that seems to be working pretty well, but some days I just can’t seem to get focused when it comes to everything else. I’ve tried routines in the past but they have all seemed to fail. I think it’s because my husband and I are so totally opposite. I need a plan of attack, I write lists, when we go on vacations I plan out a flexible itinerary, but Will is the opposite. He seems to just fly by the seat of his pants all the time. I get really frustrated when he wants to go on errands with me because I’m very methodical, I go to the bank, to the post office, I do anything else that I need to get done in town but he often forgets half of the things he needs at the house, I end up driving back home to get his wallet or whatever it was he forgot. Then he talks, talks, talks; meanwhile I’m thinking “I’m on a schedule, I have things to do”. I try to go alone when I need to get things done to avoid the frustration but some days that just doesn’t work. I’ve been doing a good job of keeping up on my book keeping while events are going on at the Ballroom, but sometimes the noise is very distracting (if only I could sound proof my office). I don’t like to bring my work home because I need the separation of home stuff and work stuff. Everything ends up pilling together and I get really stressed out from the clutter. I’m getting more organized but it is a slow process and the days when I have to work away from home sometimes throws me all off. I’ll just have to look for some ideas about a flexible routine that I can actually stick to but for now I’m off to see Magic Mike (I really need to take a break today)!



One thought on “Freaking Out

  1. tthrelkeld says:

    Just a few words about Magic Mike, probably the dumbest movie I have ever seen! Outside of the male stripping it was stupid, but can that Tatum boy dance!

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